Only God Forgives

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No one will understand how I feel right now.

I've sad about what happened on Saturday. I can see I feel worse than yesterday.

I want to write any stupid emotional post but I do not what to do.

All my friends asked if I talked to my mm about that day. I answered straightly, I knew what my mom is going to say about this. And I was right.

I hate telling people the same thing again and again. Some people won't understand it anyway.

Back in 2007 when I  just moved here, I called my grandparents about how I felt for being away from Thailand. They heard it and they said to me if it isn't okay to stay there, just come home.

And they blamed her.

Because of that I was 100% sure what my mom's going to say.

I've talked to all my friends all day.

They told me I should go out for a walk, find a new hobby. Don't stay home alone!

If his family don't welcome and accept you so go home to your mom. 

They know that I stand in the spot where the mental hospital's door is opened for me.

I cry and have headache in the morning, day and night for 2 days now.

When I called my mom, we talked random things suddenly I mentioned every thing to my mom. 

My head was almost explored. I know I have to say it.

It was exactly what I predicted.

My mom told me just come home and don't stay there on Christmas.

Don't be so sure what you wished for. You're still young to be thinking about future with him.

I told Robin and looked to in his eyes. I saw tears in his eyes. He seemed so sad.

I still love him what can I say.

I know she's so worried about me so I couldn't sleep last night.

I should have been better and better but maybe things supposed to happen this way.

I woke up the same time Robin did. Then I tried to go back but I just rolled on my bed

and tried to let it go. It took little time and it worked. 

I noticed my head didn't feel heavy as it should to be.

While had well sleeping, I started to dream.

 In the dream Robin and I were in the room, he said to me I wanna break up with you and get out of my house. I only cried in the dream and  say why.

The last thing I remember in the dream I talked to a doctor.

I felt dizzy and wondered ''Am I still dreaming or I wake up already?''

I opened my eyes and touched my face. I found tears on my face.

Now it's really bad. I cried while I sleeping again.

Just a minute I woke up, the alarm ringed and I got a text from Robin asking if

I want a drive to Healthy Center.

Now must get ready to see a doctor.