Wednesday, October 28, 2015

I Hurt Myself Today                     

What a day! I was TE-palvelut for searching a job , nothing special happened as usually.
I sat there only a minute then I cried in front of personal. I forced myself not cry but the tears dropped quickly down on my face.
 I said I don't care how much money I will make right now. All I need is have something to do. 
My healthy is bad and I need to think positive  but I don't know how.......
I felt totally lost.
And I don't know if I have breast cancer or not. She said she understood.
I felt much better when I saw my mom but then I fell back to the same routine. 
I'm so tired like I do not wanna talk and see people. Just want to laid down on my bed.
After 3 hours Robin picked me up to hospital. 
I wasn't nervous until a nurse called my name and took me for X-ray. She asked if I'm pregnant. 
I answered no, I don't think so and I hope not.
 It was hurtful to do mammogram. My arms were dead while doing that.
A nurse just said it will take 10 minutes then a doctor will tell you if you need ultra sound.
After that a doctor walked in. So I did ultra sound my breasts. 
I tried to see if there was anything but I saw nothing. And Later he said nothing to me, just went to get a nurse back to the room. 
I can guess what they were going to do next.
Yes, I got a needle to my breast. I just closed my eyes and my whole body was shaken.
Firstly it was like taking a blood test but a second it was hurt like hell. I felt a needle into that lump. 
It was hard to breath.
I don't even know when he took it off but I felt my blood ran to my back. 
I still hope it's not a cancer.